Someone Call 911 our Deer have been Violated Again

If you read my blog from December 11, 2008 titled Woman, You Sound Old you would know that one morning my wife found our two lighted Christmas deer getting it on in the front yard. Well it has happened again, but at least this time the perpetrator(s) understood that the Buck goes on top. One also has to question why these criminal masterminds could not come up with something new instead of using humping deer again. Oh well at least this time they got the right sex on top.

These culprits of deer pornography strike really late because I was not feeling good this past night and went downstairs around 2:30 AM to get some water and the crime had not taken place yet. I guess next year Mary Ellen and I are going to have to stake the scene out in shifts with a super soaker filled with urine. At least this time I was able to remember to get a picture for your viewing enjoyment.

Woman, You Sound Old!

This past Saturday really made me feel old! I came stumbling down the stairs from the bedroom around 9:00 and Mary Ellen was already up waiting for me in the kitchen. As I start to walk by to get my breakfast she looks at me and says “Have you seen the deer?” Still somewhat asleep I responded no, why? “Well just go look for yourself” was her reply.

I guess right now I have to regress just a bit to give you a little background. A couple of weeks ago we went out and bought some outdoor Christmas lights along with a buck and doe deer that light up. Quite a few of our new neighbors really put on a Christmas light show, so Mary Ellen wanted at least a little something in the yard to fit in. I must say that I put these deer together without uttering one swear word and if you know me you know that was a feat in its self.

Now back to the story at hand. So I go into the living room and look out the window and what do I see a doe deer humping the buck! Personally, I thought it was funny on many levels and thinking to myself that if we were still living in New Palestine there would not have been this mix up with the sexes. My wife on the other had didn’t think it was very funny and starting talking about how it had to be "those teenagers", and they better not have broke it because we work hard for our money. After a minute or two of ranting the only thing I had to say was, “You really sound old right now”, which didn’t go over too well.

Needless to say I wish I had my wits about me to take a picture but I didn’t so I might just have to recreate it when we take them down unless “those teenagers” strike again. Also, in case you are wondering they still work.

We're Moving!

Well it finally happened we closed on our house and are moving up to Fishers! Now we only have to be displaced 10 more days and we will be able to move into our new home, and I bet my parents can't wait either and Mary, Liam, the two cats and myself are living in their upstairs.

I'll try and post some pictures in the next view days.

Why I Love the Daily Show with Jon Stewart

I don’t often stray too far into politics and I have yet to Blog about politics because it just depresses, but this video clip from the Daily Show I just can’t pass up. This video shows why I think most Americans are getting fed up with our current politicians and spin doctors, and I know I wish these people would just straight talk me.

You have to laugh otherwise you would just cry.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/33335/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-sarah-palin-gender-card#s-p1-st-i1

Man and His Coffee

Back on August 5^th I go to make myself some coffee to take into work and when I go to get my coffee cup it was gone. This was not the first time that it had happened so I decided the best way to get my point across was to write a short story. Thinking this would be a funny way to say please don’t take my coffee cup I soon learned different.

The questions becomes did I win, well if the battle was over a coffee cup yes I did win because it has always been there now when I need it. But if we go deeper dare I say men can never win?

Man and His Coffee

A millennium ago there was a planet call Earth. It was a quaint little blue planet with many different types of plants and animal species that all had their purpose. One of the animal species soon evolved and their comprehension grew until they controlled the planet and molded it to their liking. This animal was called human.

As time passed humans started to harvest a particular bean know to them as the coffee bean. The coffee bean had a chemical in it that when consumed by the humans gave him a jolt of energy. They soon made a warm drink out of this bean and it become a morning time staple to help them awake out of their sleep cycles and start their day.

One day a man was at his local market and in the coffee isle there was a whole section devoted to the coffee chalice and the man thought “It sure would be nice to be able to make my own coffee at home and take it with me”. So he bought this magnificent blue coffee goblet to transport his coffee with him. His four wheeled transport even had a slot specifically designed to place this chalice of like so he could have two hands on the steering system. It was a very nice goblet and kept the delicious beverage warm for an extended period of time so the man could enjoy his drink as time moved forward. Man was happy.

There was one cool morning the man we particularly looking forward to his home made coffee, because his comrades at his place of business always made the coffee way to weak. To this man their coffee was like dirty water. So the man made a pot of coffee while he showered and after he dressed he went to poor his beverage into his blue chalice. To his distraught the chalice was no where to be found! He looked in the cabinets, the dishwasher and even in his car in the hopes that he may had left it there but it was all to no avail. He life companion had snatched it and used it for her orange juice.

So with a pot of coffee made the man was not going to waste this delightful beverage he had just brewed. So he went out and found a drug store and was able to find a black chalice just like the blue one. Man was happy. With the blue chalice contaminated with the juice of his companion the man gave that cup to her and took the black one for him. Man was happy.

One stormy morning the man again made his beloved coffee and open the cabinet to get his black chalice only to find it was not their. He opened the dishwasher to find a dirty blue orange juice cup, but no black chalice. THE MAN’S LIFE COMPANION ONCE AGAIN TOOK THIS SACRED COFFEE CHALICE FOR HER ORANGE JUICE LEAVING HIM WITH NOTHING BUT THE THOUGH OF A WARM DRINK! A lass what will this man do?

Man will once again stop at the store tonight an buy himself a glorious coffee chalice giving his wife two orange juice cups for her use. If his wife takes this one he will hunt her down and beat her with the chalice until she learns not to take it!

- END -

Woman Who Does it All
Response to “Man and His Coffee”

Once upon a time there was a happy little family. It was not the perfect family, but it was darn near it. The woman/wife/mother did 90% of all work within the home, but loved her spouse so much, she mostly ignored his laziness, no matter how aggravating it was for her. Then one day, man/husband/father made a ridiculous ass out of himself in his frustration over his beloved coffee cup, which the woman had unwisely used for her juice. The husband was relentless in his rampage about her usage of his precious cup, and the woman snapped. She then determined she would remind this spoiled man about how good he has it.

Spoiled man gets to do as he pleases each morning and exercise so he can stay fit. Would spoiled man ever think to alternate mornings with woman so that she too could stay in shape? Oh no, this would not cross his mind. Spoiled man leaves the house each morning, while woman is left to get ready for her job, clean kitchen of spoiled man’s dirty dishes, pick up spoiled man’s laundry, scoop the kitty litter (cats are spoiled man’s as well- not just woman’s), feed child (again, not just woman’s child), get child dressed, prepare lunch for child, and get child to daycare so that woman can arrive to work 30 minutes late each day. Woman cleans entire house by herself each week. Spoiled man does NOT vacuum, clean bathrooms, get on hands and knees to clean kitchen floor of crumbs, do laundry, fold laundry, or put away laundry. Spoiled man does NOT take regular turns in providing child with baths or brushing & flossing of teeth. Spoiled man does not weed the lawn or landscaping nor does spoiled man water said landscaping and trees.

Spoiled man occasionally cuts the grass and utilizes the weedeater. Spoiled man occasionally helps put out the trash. Spoiled man spends hours sorting and entering bills and receipts in his ludicrous & anal retentive finance program. Spoiled man goes to grocery and cooks an evening meal. Have I left anything out? Oh yes, spoiled man stupidly decides to freak out because ridiculously over worked woman USED HIS PRECIOUS COFFEE CUP.

Woman must now decide how to even the work load with spoiled man…

- END -

I Just Felt Like Running!

Losing some weight has really helped me to get back to being able to run which I really enjoy doing. As I lost more weight and got faster I needed a goal to shoot for so Ryan and I decided to run in a mini-marathon and found Louisville was putting one on to kick off their Derby Week Festival. We signed up and kicked our training into high gear. My goal was just to be able to finish since I had not ran in one since my “early” college days.

On the 26^th of April around 6:00 AM Ryan and I were standing in line for the shuttle bus that would take us to the starting line. It was still dark, cool, and spiting rain but we felt good as the bus seemed to go on and on. We were dropped off at the start line and preceded to find our pace time and packed ourselves in the crowd as the rain finally seemed to stop. There were about 12,000 people running in this event which is nice compared to the 30,000 to 40,000 that run in the Indianapolis mini.

The gun sounded and we were off! It took us about two minutes before we got to the start line which was fast as it took Ryan forty five minutes to reach the one in the Indianapolis’ mini last year. The course took us through a park that had several large hills, but was very scenic. After about two or three miles we were able to hit our pace pretty well and they winded us around back past the start line and sent us on a track through some neighborhoods. The architecture on some of these homes were that of historic near city suburbs with full trees, which already had leaves on them, and ivy growing up their sides. The route took us through Church Hill Downs and then into downtown Louisville for the finish.

We finished 800/801 out of a field of about 9385 with a start line to finish line time of an 1 hour and 44 minutes which broke down to an 7:57 mile pace. Overall I would have to say that this race was more enjoyable then the two Indianapolis minis I ran back in college and the scenery was by far superior. Now that I made my goal of finishing a mini I can now set new time goals and get the competitive juices flowing again.

Goal!

Weight has always been an issue with me pretty much since grade school and while I have always been somewhat overweight I was able to manage it throughout most of my school years. At the end of high school I lost a considerable amount of weight of weight and those who have known me, especially my wife, were convinced that I had lost way too much and they were right. At that time I didn’t know how to stop and with the considerable amount of exercise I was doing never got enough calories to maintain it.

By the time I turned twenty one I had started to put it all back on between beer, dorm food, and my school/work schedule and before long I was packing on extra. By the time I was married in 1999 I was tittering around 265 and feeling it pretty good. I was able to get focused for a time and eventually got down to around the 245 range where I hung out for quite a while.

My son was born in September of 2004 and I really wanted to lose my weight so I could be able to play with him and stay in generally good health. My cholesterol was high so I was trying to watch that as well, and started to eat better and was able to drop a few pounds then put it right back on. Finally this past April the boy was running circles around me and I was going to be put on Lipator and knew I finally had to do something. Those family pictures of myself also were starting to get tiring as I was always forcing the camera operator to get the right angle.

After our vacation in May 2007 I finally took my wife’s advice she had been telling me for years to join WeightWatchers and I finally did. It has been hard to change my lifestyle but the meetings and weekly weight-ins really helped me to stay focused and the weight finally started to come off. On December 3, 2007 I reached my goal weight of 190 pounds and I can’t describe how much better I feel or the energy I have gained.

I have now started my six weeks in the maintenance program and know that the hard part of keeping it off begins. I at lest now have the tools to make it work but still need the desire discipline to move forward and stay on target. As one part of my weight loss journey is over a new one begins along with all the fruits (no pun intended) that come with it.