Thursday, September 18, 2008

Man and His Coffee

Back on August 5th I go to make myself some coffee to take into work and when I go to get my coffee cup it was gone. This was not the first time that it had happened so I decided the best way to get my point across was to write a short story. Thinking this would be a funny way to say please don’t take my coffee cup I soon learned different.

The questions becomes did I win, well if the battle was over a coffee cup yes I did win because it has always been there now when I need it. But if we go deeper dare I say men can never win?

Man and His Coffee

A millennium ago there was a planet call Earth. It was a quaint little blue planet with many different types of plants and animal species that all had their purpose. One of the animal species soon evolved and their comprehension grew until they controlled the planet and molded it to their liking. This animal was called human.

As time passed humans started to harvest a particular bean know to them as the coffee bean. The coffee bean had a chemical in it that when consumed by the humans gave him a jolt of energy. They soon made a warm drink out of this bean and it become a morning time staple to help them awake out of their sleep cycles and start their day.

One day a man was at his local market and in the coffee isle there was a whole section devoted to the coffee chalice and the man thought “It sure would be nice to be able to make my own coffee at home and take it with me”. So he bought this magnificent blue coffee goblet to transport his coffee with him. His four wheeled transport even had a slot specifically designed to place this chalice of like so he could have two hands on the steering system. It was a very nice goblet and kept the delicious beverage warm for an extended period of time so the man could enjoy his drink as time moved forward. Man was happy.

There was one cool morning the man we particularly looking forward to his home made coffee, because his comrades at his place of business always made the coffee way to weak. To this man their coffee was like dirty water. So the man made a pot of coffee while he showered and after he dressed he went to poor his beverage into his blue chalice. To his distraught the chalice was no where to be found! He looked in the cabinets, the dishwasher and even in his car in the hopes that he may had left it there but it was all to no avail. He life companion had snatched it and used it for her orange juice.

So with a pot of coffee made the man was not going to waste this delightful beverage he had just brewed. So he went out and found a drug store and was able to find a black chalice just like the blue one. Man was happy. With the blue chalice contaminated with the juice of his companion the man gave that cup to her and took the black one for him. Man was happy.

One stormy morning the man again made his beloved coffee and open the cabinet to get his black chalice only to find it was not their. He opened the dishwasher to find a dirty blue orange juice cup, but no black chalice. THE MAN’S LIFE COMPANION ONCE AGAIN TOOK THIS SACRED COFFEE CHALICE FOR HER ORANGE JUICE LEAVING HIM WITH NOTHING BUT THE THOUGH OF A WARM DRINK! A lass what will this man do?

Man will once again stop at the store tonight an buy himself a glorious coffee chalice giving his wife two orange juice cups for her use. If his wife takes this one he will hunt her down and beat her with the chalice until she learns not to take it!

- END -

Woman Who Does it All
Response to “Man and His Coffee”

Once upon a time there was a happy little family. It was not the perfect family, but it was darn near it. The woman/wife/mother did 90% of all work within the home, but loved her spouse so much, she mostly ignored his laziness, no matter how aggravating it was for her. Then one day, man/husband/father made a ridiculous ass out of himself in his frustration over his beloved coffee cup, which the woman had unwisely used for her juice. The husband was relentless in his rampage about her usage of his precious cup, and the woman snapped. She then determined she would remind this spoiled man about how good he has it.

Spoiled man gets to do as he pleases each morning and exercise so he can stay fit. Would spoiled man ever think to alternate mornings with woman so that she too could stay in shape? Oh no, this would not cross his mind. Spoiled man leaves the house each morning, while woman is left to get ready for her job, clean kitchen of spoiled man’s dirty dishes, pick up spoiled man’s laundry, scoop the kitty litter (cats are spoiled man’s as well- not just woman’s), feed child (again, not just woman’s child), get child dressed, prepare lunch for child, and get child to daycare so that woman can arrive to work 30 minutes late each day. Woman cleans entire house by herself each week. Spoiled man does NOT vacuum, clean bathrooms, get on hands and knees to clean kitchen floor of crumbs, do laundry, fold laundry, or put away laundry. Spoiled man does NOT take regular turns in providing child with baths or brushing & flossing of teeth. Spoiled man does not weed the lawn or landscaping nor does spoiled man water said landscaping and trees.

Spoiled man occasionally cuts the grass and utilizes the weedeater. Spoiled man occasionally helps put out the trash. Spoiled man spends hours sorting and entering bills and receipts in his ludicrous & anal retentive finance program. Spoiled man goes to grocery and cooks an evening meal. Have I left anything out? Oh yes, spoiled man stupidly decides to freak out because ridiculously over worked woman USED HIS PRECIOUS COFFEE CUP.

Woman must now decide how to even the work load with spoiled man…

- END -

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