Through the Lens of a Four Year Old

It is inevitable in today’s age not to have children playing with your digital camera. After all they spend countless times on the other end of the lens getting their picture taken all of the time now, so it is not hard to figure out that they would like to do the actually taking. One day several weeks ago Liam got his hands on the camera and began taking pictures needless to say when I uploaded them to the computer I about rolled out of my seat.

I will show you the pictures and give you my interpretations of them as if I was Liam…enjoy!

This is my dad who keeps telling me not to put my fingers on the lens, but what does he know? I think daddy is funny and is great to play with but I don’t let him rock me at night. Why is he bent over like that?

This is one of my many blankies that I stash all over the house. It happens to be on the bar stool that I like to climb and it never fails that my daddy tells me to be careful.

These are my stairs they lead up to my bedroom and toy room which I won’t stay in by myself. The bottom step is for timeouts because my blue cutie pie eyes don’t always work.

This picture is of one of Spike’s balls. He is the robot dinosaur that my Grandma and Grandpa got me for Christmas. I tell people all the toys I want to get for Christmas and birthday presents but then I end up just playing my video games. Daddy keeps telling me that my eyes will rot out, but I don’t believe him.

Here is a picture of some of my new toys…I don’t like to put them away when I’m done.

This is the TV I get to play my video games on, but Mommy and Daddy always seem to want to watch football. When will they learn that I rule this house?

This is my lap. Don’t ask me why I took this one because I don’t know.

This is the basket that Mommy keeps all of my shoes, boots, sunglasses, hats and such. It was on my level so I took a picture of it.

Did I mention that these are MY TOYS! Keep your mitts off!

This is my Mommy. She is the greatest Mommy in the world. Isn’t she pretty? Mommy is the one who gets to rock me at night…not Daddy.

My New Drive Home

As most of you know Mary Ellen and I moved up to Fishers from New Palestine this past October, and I knew before hand that the traffic would be bad. I didn’t know that it would be this bad, and I came to find out in a very short time that these Fishers commuters are freaking nuts! I fear for my life every time I start up the car to go home.

I try and leave the office about ten minutes before five or try and wait it out until around six because the less of these nuts I encounter the better for my own sanity. When I drive I try to stay within five miles per hour of the speed limit, give plenty of space and generally try and stay out of the way of the insane people driving at breakneck speeds. My patience on the other hand is not very good so putting me out there on the same roads as these nut cases is like adding fuel to a fire.

Unfortunately because I have to get Liam or home to relieve my mother I am generally leaving at rush hour with the rest of the certifiably insane nut cases that have just gotten off work and who are all in foul moods. Most of these people ride so close that it feels like someone is performing a prostate examination the whole way home. They all bunch up together and gang up not to let people merge and if someone is able to get over there is usually honking and hand gestures to follow.

Then there is dealing with the I-465 and 69 merger where you have people coming four lanes over from left to right and right to left which absolutely gums the whole thing up. Then about a mile down the interstate all the people who went all the way over into the far left lane now want to come back over because that lane ends. People switch lanes here, then there and then back again instead of just driving. What you get is a 20 minute drive turned into an hour with frayed nerves and a bad demeanor.

I will give you one short story just to illustrate the hell I have to deal with. I spent my forty five minutes in traffic and started to head west on 116th Street because I was heading to the grocery. I was in the left lane waiting on a light but could not get up to the light because of the turn lane to get to 69 was backed up. So this lady pulls up behind me and starts blaring her horn and I could see her screaming through the rear view mirror. So I just shrug my shoulders because there is no where I can go until the turn lane starts to move. This woman does not let up, and at this point I have had it so the light turns green everyone moves except for me. I raise up my hand extend the middle finger and enjoy myself as the woman goes into all sorts of gyrations and horn blowing. After a few moments of enjoyment I move on my way.

That was just one of my many encounters with traffic I have been enjoying since my move. These people are mean, aggressive, and will try your patience so if you are headed up to Fishers during rush hour I would suggest relaxing music and some sort of mantra to get you through.

Leave some comments of your traffic nightmares.

Redneck Parking

Where in my driveway is there a sign for Redneck Parking? Please if anyone has ever noticed a sign at anytime in my driveway that said redneck parking please let me know!

Around 10:00 PM last night I was getting ready to brush my teeth and get to bed at a reasonable hour when all of the sudden I heard this incredibly load bang. I turned down the television and looked out my window and saw what looked like to be a garbage truck or two in the park a few houses down. I thought that maybe they were empting a dumpster and it fell off the truck, so I go back to my business. A few seconds later Mary Ellen yelled up the stairs that there was a car crash just outside of our home.

So I put on my coat, boots and hat to go outside when Mary said I think you should stay in because someone is going crazy out there and a truck just drove into a yard/driveway. But I thought I should go out and make sure everyone was okay as Mary dialed 911. Apparently the neighbors’ daughter and boyfriend must have been backing out of their driveway and this guy in the white truck slammed into them. A confrontation then issued and then he drove the truck into its resting place in my yard/driveway and he took off on foot. When I got out there my neighbor was out looking for they driver of the white truck with baseball bat in hand.

After a few minutes the police start showing up and they get a K-9 unit in to track this guy down, who I believe lives at the front of our neighborhood. I don’t think anyone was hurt too bad, because the paramedics didn’t bring anyone out of the house, but I’m not too sure about that. The car on the driver’s side looked like mangled aluminum foil and there was glass all over the street, it is amazing that no one was seriously hurt. Finally the driver of the white truck was caught by the dogs and I watched at the police pulled out the guys hunting rifle and found his target in the back of the bed. The other thing that was a little unusual was all the ice scattered in my driveway which leads me to believe he must had been drinking and dumped it while he took off running.

Luckily Mary was with me this time and reminded me to take some pictures for my blog, and by 11:45 PM the wreaker finally showed up to get the truck out of my yard/driveway. I thought we had moved away from the East Side but between this and our deer pornography I’m starting to wonder.

-----Update: December 31, 2008-----

Mary Ellen spoke with our neighbor briefly last night and the driver of the car was pretty lucky, just 14 stitches. I guess what happen was the white truck was behind the car which was turning left into their driveway when the truck tried to go around them. The truck sped up and crashed right into the drivers’ side of the car and actually pushed it quite a way before stopping. The driver of the truck had .2 blood alcohol content with the police picked him up. And the ice was actually from our neighbor who threw at the guy as he took off running.

Someone Call 911 our Deer have been Violated Again

If you read my blog from December 11, 2008 titled Woman, You Sound Old you would know that one morning my wife found our two lighted Christmas deer getting it on in the front yard. Well it has happened again, but at least this time the perpetrator(s) understood that the Buck goes on top. One also has to question why these criminal masterminds could not come up with something new instead of using humping deer again. Oh well at least this time they got the right sex on top.

These culprits of deer pornography strike really late because I was not feeling good this past night and went downstairs around 2:30 AM to get some water and the crime had not taken place yet. I guess next year Mary Ellen and I are going to have to stake the scene out in shifts with a super soaker filled with urine. At least this time I was able to remember to get a picture for your viewing enjoyment.

Woman, You Sound Old!

This past Saturday really made me feel old! I came stumbling down the stairs from the bedroom around 9:00 and Mary Ellen was already up waiting for me in the kitchen. As I start to walk by to get my breakfast she looks at me and says “Have you seen the deer?” Still somewhat asleep I responded no, why? “Well just go look for yourself” was her reply.

I guess right now I have to regress just a bit to give you a little background. A couple of weeks ago we went out and bought some outdoor Christmas lights along with a buck and doe deer that light up. Quite a few of our new neighbors really put on a Christmas light show, so Mary Ellen wanted at least a little something in the yard to fit in. I must say that I put these deer together without uttering one swear word and if you know me you know that was a feat in its self.

Now back to the story at hand. So I go into the living room and look out the window and what do I see a doe deer humping the buck! Personally, I thought it was funny on many levels and thinking to myself that if we were still living in New Palestine there would not have been this mix up with the sexes. My wife on the other had didn’t think it was very funny and starting talking about how it had to be "those teenagers", and they better not have broke it because we work hard for our money. After a minute or two of ranting the only thing I had to say was, “You really sound old right now”, which didn’t go over too well.

Needless to say I wish I had my wits about me to take a picture but I didn’t so I might just have to recreate it when we take them down unless “those teenagers” strike again. Also, in case you are wondering they still work.

We're Moving!

Well it finally happened we closed on our house and are moving up to Fishers! Now we only have to be displaced 10 more days and we will be able to move into our new home, and I bet my parents can't wait either and Mary, Liam, the two cats and myself are living in their upstairs.

I'll try and post some pictures in the next view days.

Why I Love the Daily Show with Jon Stewart

I don’t often stray too far into politics and I have yet to Blog about politics because it just depresses, but this video clip from the Daily Show I just can’t pass up. This video shows why I think most Americans are getting fed up with our current politicians and spin doctors, and I know I wish these people would just straight talk me.

You have to laugh otherwise you would just cry.

http://www.hulu.com/watch/33335/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-sarah-palin-gender-card#s-p1-st-i1