Friday, January 23, 2009

Through the Lens of a Four Year Old

It is inevitable in today’s age not to have children playing with your digital camera. After all they spend countless times on the other end of the lens getting their picture taken all of the time now, so it is not hard to figure out that they would like to do the actually taking. One day several weeks ago Liam got his hands on the camera and began taking pictures needless to say when I uploaded them to the computer I about rolled out of my seat.

I will show you the pictures and give you my interpretations of them as if I was Liam…enjoy!

This is my dad who keeps telling me not to put my fingers on the lens, but what does he know? I think daddy is funny and is great to play with but I don’t let him rock me at night. Why is he bent over like that?

This is one of my many blankies that I stash all over the house. It happens to be on the bar stool that I like to climb and it never fails that my daddy tells me to be careful.

These are my stairs they lead up to my bedroom and toy room which I won’t stay in by myself. The bottom step is for timeouts because my blue cutie pie eyes don’t always work.

This picture is of one of Spike’s balls. He is the robot dinosaur that my Grandma and Grandpa got me for Christmas. I tell people all the toys I want to get for Christmas and birthday presents but then I end up just playing my video games. Daddy keeps telling me that my eyes will rot out, but I don’t believe him.

Here is a picture of some of my new toys…I don’t like to put them away when I’m done.

This is the TV I get to play my video games on, but Mommy and Daddy always seem to want to watch football. When will they learn that I rule this house?

This is my lap. Don’t ask me why I took this one because I don’t know.

This is the basket that Mommy keeps all of my shoes, boots, sunglasses, hats and such. It was on my level so I took a picture of it.

Did I mention that these are MY TOYS! Keep your mitts off!

This is my Mommy. She is the greatest Mommy in the world. Isn’t she pretty? Mommy is the one who gets to rock me at night…not Daddy.

Monday, January 19, 2009

My New Drive Home

As most of you know Mary Ellen and I moved up to Fishers from New Palestine this past October, and I knew before hand that the traffic would be bad. I didn’t know that it would be this bad, and I came to find out in a very short time that these Fishers commuters are freaking nuts! I fear for my life every time I start up the car to go home.

I try and leave the office about ten minutes before five or try and wait it out until around six because the less of these nuts I encounter the better for my own sanity. When I drive I try to stay within five miles per hour of the speed limit, give plenty of space and generally try and stay out of the way of the insane people driving at breakneck speeds. My patience on the other hand is not very good so putting me out there on the same roads as these nut cases is like adding fuel to a fire.

Unfortunately because I have to get Liam or home to relieve my mother I am generally leaving at rush hour with the rest of the certifiably insane nut cases that have just gotten off work and who are all in foul moods. Most of these people ride so close that it feels like someone is performing a prostate examination the whole way home. They all bunch up together and gang up not to let people merge and if someone is able to get over there is usually honking and hand gestures to follow.

Then there is dealing with the I-465 and 69 merger where you have people coming four lanes over from left to right and right to left which absolutely gums the whole thing up. Then about a mile down the interstate all the people who went all the way over into the far left lane now want to come back over because that lane ends. People switch lanes here, then there and then back again instead of just driving. What you get is a 20 minute drive turned into an hour with frayed nerves and a bad demeanor.

I will give you one short story just to illustrate the hell I have to deal with. I spent my forty five minutes in traffic and started to head west on 116th Street because I was heading to the grocery. I was in the left lane waiting on a light but could not get up to the light because of the turn lane to get to 69 was backed up. So this lady pulls up behind me and starts blaring her horn and I could see her screaming through the rear view mirror. So I just shrug my shoulders because there is no where I can go until the turn lane starts to move. This woman does not let up, and at this point I have had it so the light turns green everyone moves except for me. I raise up my hand extend the middle finger and enjoy myself as the woman goes into all sorts of gyrations and horn blowing. After a few moments of enjoyment I move on my way.

That was just one of my many encounters with traffic I have been enjoying since my move. These people are mean, aggressive, and will try your patience so if you are headed up to Fishers during rush hour I would suggest relaxing music and some sort of mantra to get you through.

Leave some comments of your traffic nightmares.