Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Redneck Parking

Where in my driveway is there a sign for Redneck Parking? Please if anyone has ever noticed a sign at anytime in my driveway that said redneck parking please let me know!

Around 10:00 PM last night I was getting ready to brush my teeth and get to bed at a reasonable hour when all of the sudden I heard this incredibly load bang. I turned down the television and looked out my window and saw what looked like to be a garbage truck or two in the park a few houses down. I thought that maybe they were empting a dumpster and it fell off the truck, so I go back to my business. A few seconds later Mary Ellen yelled up the stairs that there was a car crash just outside of our home.

So I put on my coat, boots and hat to go outside when Mary said I think you should stay in because someone is going crazy out there and a truck just drove into a yard/driveway. But I thought I should go out and make sure everyone was okay as Mary dialed 911. Apparently the neighbors’ daughter and boyfriend must have been backing out of their driveway and this guy in the white truck slammed into them. A confrontation then issued and then he drove the truck into its resting place in my yard/driveway and he took off on foot. When I got out there my neighbor was out looking for they driver of the white truck with baseball bat in hand.

After a few minutes the police start showing up and they get a K-9 unit in to track this guy down, who I believe lives at the front of our neighborhood. I don’t think anyone was hurt too bad, because the paramedics didn’t bring anyone out of the house, but I’m not too sure about that. The car on the driver’s side looked like mangled aluminum foil and there was glass all over the street, it is amazing that no one was seriously hurt. Finally the driver of the white truck was caught by the dogs and I watched at the police pulled out the guys hunting rifle and found his target in the back of the bed. The other thing that was a little unusual was all the ice scattered in my driveway which leads me to believe he must had been drinking and dumped it while he took off running.

Luckily Mary was with me this time and reminded me to take some pictures for my blog, and by 11:45 PM the wreaker finally showed up to get the truck out of my yard/driveway. I thought we had moved away from the East Side but between this and our deer pornography I’m starting to wonder.

-----Update: December 31, 2008-----

Mary Ellen spoke with our neighbor briefly last night and the driver of the car was pretty lucky, just 14 stitches. I guess what happen was the white truck was behind the car which was turning left into their driveway when the truck tried to go around them. The truck sped up and crashed right into the drivers’ side of the car and actually pushed it quite a way before stopping. The driver of the truck had .2 blood alcohol content with the police picked him up. And the ice was actually from our neighbor who threw at the guy as he took off running.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Someone Call 911 our Deer have been Violated Again

If you read my blog from December 11, 2008 titled Woman, You Sound Old you would know that one morning my wife found our two lighted Christmas deer getting it on in the front yard. Well it has happened again, but at least this time the perpetrator(s) understood that the Buck goes on top. One also has to question why these criminal masterminds could not come up with something new instead of using humping deer again. Oh well at least this time they got the right sex on top.

These culprits of deer pornography strike really late because I was not feeling good this past night and went downstairs around 2:30 AM to get some water and the crime had not taken place yet. I guess next year Mary Ellen and I are going to have to stake the scene out in shifts with a super soaker filled with urine. At least this time I was able to remember to get a picture for your viewing enjoyment.






Thursday, December 11, 2008

Woman, You Sound Old!

This past Saturday really made me feel old! I came stumbling down the stairs from the bedroom around 9:00 and Mary Ellen was already up waiting for me in the kitchen. As I start to walk by to get my breakfast she looks at me and says “Have you seen the deer?” Still somewhat asleep I responded no, why? “Well just go look for yourself” was her reply.

I guess right now I have to regress just a bit to give you a little background. A couple of weeks ago we went out and bought some outdoor Christmas lights along with a buck and doe deer that light up. Quite a few of our new neighbors really put on a Christmas light show, so Mary Ellen wanted at least a little something in the yard to fit in. I must say that I put these deer together without uttering one swear word and if you know me you know that was a feat in its self.

Now back to the story at hand. So I go into the living room and look out the window and what do I see a doe deer humping the buck! Personally, I thought it was funny on many levels and thinking to myself that if we were still living in New Palestine there would not have been this mix up with the sexes. My wife on the other had didn’t think it was very funny and starting talking about how it had to be "those teenagers", and they better not have broke it because we work hard for our money. After a minute or two of ranting the only thing I had to say was, “You really sound old right now”, which didn’t go over too well.

Needless to say I wish I had my wits about me to take a picture but I didn’t so I might just have to recreate it when we take them down unless “those teenagers” strike again. Also, in case you are wondering they still work.

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

We're Moving!

Well it finally happened we closed on our house and are moving up to Fishers! Now we only have to be displaced 10 more days and we will be able to move into our new home, and I bet my parents can't wait either and Mary, Liam, the two cats and myself are living in their upstairs.

I'll try and post some pictures in the next view days.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Why I Love the Daily Show with Jon Stewart

I don’t often stray too far into politics and I have yet to Blog about politics because it just depresses, but this video clip from the Daily Show I just can’t pass up. This video shows why I think most Americans are getting fed up with our current politicians and spin doctors, and I know I wish these people would just straight talk me.


You have to laugh otherwise you would just cry.


http://www.hulu.com/watch/33335/the-daily-show-with-jon-stewart-sarah-palin-gender-card#s-p1-st-i1

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Man and His Coffee

Back on August 5th I go to make myself some coffee to take into work and when I go to get my coffee cup it was gone. This was not the first time that it had happened so I decided the best way to get my point across was to write a short story. Thinking this would be a funny way to say please don’t take my coffee cup I soon learned different.


The questions becomes did I win, well if the battle was over a coffee cup yes I did win because it has always been there now when I need it. But if we go deeper dare I say men can never win?


Man and His Coffee


A millennium ago there was a planet call Earth. It was a quaint little blue planet with many different types of plants and animal species that all had their purpose. One of the animal species soon evolved and their comprehension grew until they controlled the planet and molded it to their liking. This animal was called human.


As time passed humans started to harvest a particular bean know to them as the coffee bean. The coffee bean had a chemical in it that when consumed by the humans gave him a jolt of energy. They soon made a warm drink out of this bean and it become a morning time staple to help them awake out of their sleep cycles and start their day.


One day a man was at his local market and in the coffee isle there was a whole section devoted to the coffee chalice and the man thought “It sure would be nice to be able to make my own coffee at home and take it with me”. So he bought this magnificent blue coffee goblet to transport his coffee with him. His four wheeled transport even had a slot specifically designed to place this chalice of like so he could have two hands on the steering system. It was a very nice goblet and kept the delicious beverage warm for an extended period of time so the man could enjoy his drink as time moved forward. Man was happy.


There was one cool morning the man we particularly looking forward to his home made coffee, because his comrades at his place of business always made the coffee way to weak. To this man their coffee was like dirty water. So the man made a pot of coffee while he showered and after he dressed he went to poor his beverage into his blue chalice. To his distraught the chalice was no where to be found! He looked in the cabinets, the dishwasher and even in his car in the hopes that he may had left it there but it was all to no avail. He life companion had snatched it and used it for her orange juice.


So with a pot of coffee made the man was not going to waste this delightful beverage he had just brewed. So he went out and found a drug store and was able to find a black chalice just like the blue one. Man was happy. With the blue chalice contaminated with the juice of his companion the man gave that cup to her and took the black one for him. Man was happy.


One stormy morning the man again made his beloved coffee and open the cabinet to get his black chalice only to find it was not their. He opened the dishwasher to find a dirty blue orange juice cup, but no black chalice. THE MAN’S LIFE COMPANION ONCE AGAIN TOOK THIS SACRED COFFEE CHALICE FOR HER ORANGE JUICE LEAVING HIM WITH NOTHING BUT THE THOUGH OF A WARM DRINK! A lass what will this man do?


Man will once again stop at the store tonight an buy himself a glorious coffee chalice giving his wife two orange juice cups for her use. If his wife takes this one he will hunt her down and beat her with the chalice until she learns not to take it!


- END -


Woman Who Does it All
Response to “Man and His Coffee”


Once upon a time there was a happy little family. It was not the perfect family, but it was darn near it. The woman/wife/mother did 90% of all work within the home, but loved her spouse so much, she mostly ignored his laziness, no matter how aggravating it was for her. Then one day, man/husband/father made a ridiculous ass out of himself in his frustration over his beloved coffee cup, which the woman had unwisely used for her juice. The husband was relentless in his rampage about her usage of his precious cup, and the woman snapped. She then determined she would remind this spoiled man about how good he has it.


Spoiled man gets to do as he pleases each morning and exercise so he can stay fit. Would spoiled man ever think to alternate mornings with woman so that she too could stay in shape? Oh no, this would not cross his mind. Spoiled man leaves the house each morning, while woman is left to get ready for her job, clean kitchen of spoiled man’s dirty dishes, pick up spoiled man’s laundry, scoop the kitty litter (cats are spoiled man’s as well- not just woman’s), feed child (again, not just woman’s child), get child dressed, prepare lunch for child, and get child to daycare so that woman can arrive to work 30 minutes late each day. Woman cleans entire house by herself each week. Spoiled man does NOT vacuum, clean bathrooms, get on hands and knees to clean kitchen floor of crumbs, do laundry, fold laundry, or put away laundry. Spoiled man does NOT take regular turns in providing child with baths or brushing & flossing of teeth. Spoiled man does not weed the lawn or landscaping nor does spoiled man water said landscaping and trees.


Spoiled man occasionally cuts the grass and utilizes the weedeater. Spoiled man occasionally helps put out the trash. Spoiled man spends hours sorting and entering bills and receipts in his ludicrous & anal retentive finance program. Spoiled man goes to grocery and cooks an evening meal. Have I left anything out? Oh yes, spoiled man stupidly decides to freak out because ridiculously over worked woman USED HIS PRECIOUS COFFEE CUP.


Woman must now decide how to even the work load with spoiled man…


- END -

Wednesday, April 30, 2008

I Just Felt Like Running!

Losing some weight has really helped me to get back to being able to run which I really enjoy doing. As I lost more weight and got faster I needed a goal to shoot for so Ryan and I decided to run in a mini-marathon and found Louisville was putting one on to kick off their Derby Week Festival. We signed up and kicked our training into high gear. My goal was just to be able to finish since I had not ran in one since my “early” college days.

On the 26th of April around 6:00 AM Ryan and I were standing in line for the shuttle bus that would take us to the starting line. It was still dark, cool, and spiting rain but we felt good as the bus seemed to go on and on. We were dropped off at the start line and preceded to find our pace time and packed ourselves in the crowd as the rain finally seemed to stop. There were about 12,000 people running in this event which is nice compared to the 30,000 to 40,000 that run in the Indianapolis mini.

The gun sounded and we were off! It took us about two minutes before we got to the start line which was fast as it took Ryan forty five minutes to reach the one in the Indianapolis’ mini last year. The course took us through a park that had several large hills, but was very scenic. After about two or three miles we were able to hit our pace pretty well and they winded us around back past the start line and sent us on a track through some neighborhoods. The architecture on some of these homes were that of historic near city suburbs with full trees, which already had leaves on them, and ivy growing up their sides. The route took us through Church Hill Downs and then into downtown Louisville for the finish.

We finished 800/801 out of a field of about 9385 with a start line to finish line time of an 1 hour and 44 minutes which broke down to an 7:57 mile pace. Overall I would have to say that this race was more enjoyable then the two Indianapolis minis I ran back in college and the scenery was by far superior. Now that I made my goal of finishing a mini I can now set new time goals and get the competitive juices flowing again.